when desire and lust

*u fil up my senses like a night in the forest
*like the mountains in springtime
*like a walk in the rain
*like the storm in the desert
*like the sleepy blue ocean
*u fill up my senses, come fill me again
*come let me love u, let me give my life to u
*let me drown in ur laughter
*let me die in ur arms
*let me lay down beside u
*let me always be with u
*come let me love u, come love me again

always on my mind♥

It's been awhile since my last post in this blog.

I don't understand what is the feeling I am having right now. It's a strong feeling, that did not just happen [click] like that. It is so strong that words could never be enough to describe it.

One thing for sure i know and I couldn't lie to myself, is that you are always on my mind. From the day I met you, from the day you asked me to dance, I know it well enough that you will become someone so influential to me. It happened.

Oh gosh.

How I wish I could say it out loud to you , that I love you. I love you so much. I know that you know it, you have strong senses in you, even if I don't speak my mind, you knew what I am thinking about. That is how great you are to me, because you understand, and willing to understand.



I used to be a selfish person, who believe so much in love should exist only when I can get a same amount of love that I have given in return, or greater but never less. I used to believe that when love happened it should last forever. I used to think that to love is to own, to be the most important, to be the most special. But YOU the one, who showed me what LOVE truly is, and how great LOVE can be, and how much you have loved and still loving.

LOVE is more than just about saying it.♥

I discovered LOVE is so much more than I used to know. LOVE is an action happened only from your truest will. LOVE comes from within. It is not to be told how much you have love. It is not to be showed how great your love is towards that special person. Love is not meant to own but to be given, it is not meant to be seen but to feel with your soul, it is not meant to be read but to understand with an open heart. ♥

With Love, I wish you to be happy, regardless where your happiness comes from.
With Love, I wish I could set you free by replacing my wings to your broken ones.
With Love, I wish you could love the way you wish to love.
With Love, I wish you could be loved by someone whom your heart has given to.

Thank YOU so much, because you made me LOVE again.
You made me discover that I can go further than I thought.
You discovered me, and I discovered MYSELF.♥


Discovering is a kind of love.
Understanding is a kind of love.
Caring is a kind of love.
Concerning is a kind of love.
Scolding is a kind of love...and many more.

♥All kinds of love in the world make life so worthwhile, so great. Smile from within, that's the greatest present I would love to have from you, and from everyone else that I love. I love YOU, and all of you. ♥

I am one step ahead now, and many awaiting still. Can't wait to see what is ahead of me :) And fear is getting lesser, strength is getting bigger.

I am not afraid. Anymore.

I am so brave, because I see myself. Because I LOVE YOU.♥

realisation

thanks to an unknown person, he/she was criticising what i have to say in my personal blog. but that is not the point, the point is, i needed to thank him/her for voicing out what she had in her mind after reading. and, i started to realise that i had actually thought the same way towards others.

i had learned to realise how that person would feel, when expressing themselves in their very own blog, was commented as a foolish thing to do. and how ridiculous for those who critics others feeling, for example the unknown person, including myself!

when i was writing, basically i wouldn't really care about the spellings, or grammars or whether the content of the post is childish, nonsense or mature. i am just letting myself out for the moment, especially after having a really bad time. i have no one to talk to at that moment, so i chose to 'scream' in my blog, is that wrong? i am sure most of the people who blog, thinks the same way. maybe they just don't realised it.

hmm, seriously i am glad that i had this realisation. i had learn to not to ignore others feeling. they might be childish or nonsense once in a while, but hey, who doesn't had a bad time right? just let them release themselves a little bit, and they will be fine again=)

once again, i thank you ( whoever who had a problem with me/others blog post ), before you critics/comment on others feeling, think of yourself.

i used to make that mistake, and now i will try to change.

Fairy tales? Hell no!

I think I am actually an ugly person inside. I am just too good in hiding my faults, sometimes, transferring them into 'UN-fault', makes me a 'perfect' person in others eyes. I always ask myself, why the hell am I keep doing this? Why am I hiding? What am I hiding? Well, I guess it is a habit ever since I was young.

I have been judging myself recently, in whatever I do, wherever I am. And I realized one horrible thing that could ever happen, is that, I am just like other normal girl, wanting attentions. Well, not all from the guys, but everyone. Yes, EVERYONE. People always ask me why am I always staying up so late, or early. Well, I guess I am busy checking out my friends FB profile, and see how many testimonials they have got in a day. And I start wondering, are all these from his/her friends? Or previously he/she wrote something on their walls so they had to reply? Well, I guess I am just being ridiculous here, BUT, that is what exactly I am thinking of, sometimes.

I would like to know, a really honest answer, that---what is wrong with me? what had gone wrong? I have been trying hard to be a better person, and what I get in return is some unnecessary attentions? Do I really having problems with meeting ' meaningful ' people other than some fucking asshole who only asked for sex? Or did I give you any wrong signal, saying that " Hey, baby come over here, yes i am a playa!" ??

I swear to God, with my life, and heart and blood and whatever you can name, that whoever i met, or going to meet, I am giving you a true heart. I am wanting to make true friendship with you so be you are old, young, Indians, Malays or animals. And all I am asking for is the same that I had given to you. That simple, isn't it? But, apparently they are people who ended up staying in my 'not wanting to know more' list. I guess it is normal, even to everybody, that everyone choose their friends. Good friends, close friends, useful friends, useless friends. Well, I guess if you get listed in any of these, you are lucky, at least you are remembered, right? I wonder where I belong, in your heart.

I am a sensitive person. I read people's emotions. and understand them. All is because I CARE. Not because I pity or want you to remember me, but I am seriously wanted to show my caring to people, cause I think everyone likes to be cared, everyone deserved to be understood, as much as I do. And I love to care, cause it makes me feel 'useful'.

I always hated sympathy. Don't start worrying about me just because you know this is what I like to hear, see or feel. Do it because you really worried, or else, don't. You make me feel cheap, you making me sound like a pathetic freak running around everywhere to seek for companionship. Let me tell you what, I had learned how to be alone. I plan my own trip, I sponsor myself. So what if it cost most of my savings? I don't give a damn right now, I just want to feel useful, I just want to feel that I will be fine with no messages, no phone calls, no hi-how-are-you stuff, NOTHING. You don't even really care where the hell I am going. Or you just have no ideas how much I appreciate even if you just ' hey girl, where are you?' without any purpose.

Yea, it is not all about the purpose. You don't have to ring your friend just because you wanted a favor. You don't have to message your friend just because you needed some information. Well, I like to message my friends whenever I feel like it, with stupid questions or words, no reason, simply just because they are on my mind. That's the purest of love. You are always on my mind. I wanted you to know that you are remembered. Am I ever, in anyone else mind? Hmm, this is a brand new questions.

And seriously, I somehow had given up finding the right one. Some love stories like 'pretty woman', 'runaway bride' which I used to believe in, are now 'wooosshh', vanished. LOL, very funny right? People always asked what is the requirements to be my boyfriend, or the future? I always say the common things like, money, ambitious, tender loving care...yada, yada, yada...BULLSHIT! Let me tell you what, I want FAIRY TALES. Can you believe what I had just said? FAIRY TALES. It is hard to believe I just said that, loudly, in this post. Pathetic. Dream on. Anyway..sigh...nevermind. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD BABE.


Whoever who read this, will somehow understands me a little bit, that I am breakable, hurt able, bendable. BUT, I am definitely not weak, I AM STRONG.


Gosh, I think I sound like a teen right now. Childish.

Period of time

Clicking into this so many times. In and out, in and out.

I so wanna write something, as there's too many inside me that i couldn't find a way to let it out.

I am going through a phase, right now. Is like going back to time, when i was full of doubts, hopeless and dull. Too many BLACKS had blended inside my WHITE life, it became GREY. Oh yes, i am feeling grey.

Grey is like, neither black nor white. Neither good nor bad. Meaning i am unsure. In between. Confused. I realised what i have done these while, is like i am returning being a child, or should say teenager, a rebellious one. I know what is wrong to do, yet I made myself doing it. Funny? I have no idea what is wrong with me.

Maybe, I am not who i used to think I am? It's like, the connection between me and myself had lost, all of a sudden, BAMMmm. Gone. Where is the trust I had for myself? Please don't leave, come back!!

I am so down. REALLY down. Lower than the bottom of the deepest ocean. I tried to swim to the surface. But it is too deep. Drowning. Couldn't breath.

I need my COLOURS back. I need my light back. I need to shine, I meant to be shining. I need to find the 'me' whom I used to trust and believe in. I need to move on. I need to leave. LEAVE. I want to leave. To somewhere no one knows me, to start over, to make new mistakes, to learn again.

I know it is not an excuse for me to run away. In fact, I am not running away. I just need new fresh air, new colours, new inspirations, new challenges. I need new life.

I don't need you to understand me if you don't want to. Too bad for ya. Understanding should come mutually, not by force. I am not born to please everyone, I am not born to be liked by everyone. I have my own friends who knows me well enough. and that's really satisfying, knowing that there's someone out there, understands you the way you understand yourself.

*there's period of time when you have no idea what to do. there's period of time when you can't differentiate right or wrong. there's period of time when you are so lost that you couldn't even recognise your way home. BUT, it is okay, because it's the period of time to make mistake, and learn again. it's like you only when you fall, you will know the way to stand up. TIME CONTINUES, LIFE GOES ON, DON'T GIVE UP.*



I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

please

can someone,

look at me

deeper.......deep deep inside..

just once?

can someone,

stay for awhile,

a little little while more,

just once?

catch me, don't let go.

release

time really flies, like lighting,

too fast that i couldn't touch it, soundless.

things come into my life, and gone.

they left sounds in my head, keep telling, telling, telling....

'what have you done?'

i don't know, couldn't remember.

'what have you done?'

i don't know!

'what have you done?'

nothing.

how i wish i could vanish, no one can find me.

i'll do what i want,

freedom, unleashed.

and who is caging me?

myself.

终于

终于做了了断。

松了一口气。

不过，如果可以，还是很想告诉他：

“谢谢你给我的爱，我永远也不会忘记的。"

爱情与成就，哪个重要？

成就。



心很烦，有个很爱我的他，更烦。
因为，知道自己不够爱他。


我是一个很自私的人。

不爱他吗？不是。 很爱他吗？还好。


爱情，会让我放慢追求梦想的脚步。

我该如何取舍？我不想伤害他。






怎么办？

RIGHT or [wrong] ?

waiting for you to reach home, longing to hear your voice.

you are home, you called.

i am worried when i hear your first "hello", i knew something happened at your work place.

and i was right, you told me what happened, that somebody had did wrong things to you.

i understand, i know, it is reasonable for you to feel bad or angry. but i am worried, that what if you couldn't take it and leave? you have a life to live, or maybe i worry too much.

that's why i speak in a general point of view, that life is like that, what can we do bout it?
but it seems like this had made you unhappy, maybe because i didn't stand at your point. maybe...

everyone will been through all these shit along their journey to success, and we have to learn how to deal with it. i am just afraid that you might give up just like that, i am worry about this might slow you down to your destiny.

i know, everyone have emotion, and is okay to have emotion when things doesn't go our way. just hope that no matter what you won't give up just because of all these small matters. he have attitude problem just let him be, this and that being an ass hole or not let him be, because afterall is his lose anyway, he won't gain any benefits from this anyway. isn't it?

i love you and will always be. sometimes, just sometimes, i think that you have very little tolerance in you. and this makes me feel insecure. through your reaction towards things actually reflects your personality. sometimes when you deal with things with your emotion, makes me think alot, weta you are like that or like this, like this or like that?

again, maybe i worry too much.

i know, maybe i might behave like "i know i am the right one" always, but deep inside i will always question myself " am i right?"

come and think about it, maybe i am like that as well, get emo with small little thing, he is wrong so i get angry, this one is not right i get angry. maybe i am the wrong one, but i just didn't realize it myself.

you cannot see yourself without a mirror. that's why some didn't know they did something wrong if you didn't tell him to.

i hope i can be your mirror and you can be mine.

if i am you and you are me, what will you do? what will you say?

i am confused, maybe what you doing is right what i am doing is wrong, or might be the other way round.

i really donno

new true fren, part 2

FROM HER to ME

*touched*

I appreciate it,alot.The effort that u blended in for this message and the time spent on me =) Thank you so much,love you dearly =)

i dunno hw am i supposed to put this words,well i guess i wanna grab u and give you a bigggggggggggieee hugs whn i get back =)))))



This will be the song that i am gonna dedicate to you,sooner or later,i am sure abt it

"True Friends by Hannah Montana"

^^^We sign our cards and letters BFF*****
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found****

A true friend*****
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again

True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the thing you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in


A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
Pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend !!!!!***

Bunch of LOVES,
JoVie Wah
JOJO *giglleeee*


*ps...HUGGIES TO HER*

new true fren, part 1

From ME to HER

"You Are Not Alone"

Another day has gone
You are all alone
How could this be?
I am right here with you
I’ll never say goodbye
Let me tell you why
Coz when you here with me
Made my world won't be so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How can I make you smile?
And I’ll whisper in your ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Deep inside your heart
I know you need my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hands
Together we can stand

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How do I make you smile?
And I’ll whispers in your ear and say
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Close your eyes and deep inside you know
Oh, girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

i not good at modifying songs, lol....

HUGS
*just for you to remember, that....you will never be lonely, cause you have me, and you hav us* =)

looking at the moon

He says: “i didnt want to let u go”

InvisibleToad says: “but tomorrow you going jb ma”

He says: “yea”

He says: “can sms only”

He says: “somemore i be working”

InvisibleToad says: “and i'll be doing my finals”

InvisibleToad says: “but don't worry, we’ll still see each other in our dreams”

He says: “yea”

He says: “hey babe”

InvisibleToad says: “hmm?”

He says: “when u miss me at night”

He says: “look at the moon

He says: “least we be looking at the same thing”

InvisibleToad says: “and we are breathing the same air too”

InvisibleToadsays: “living under the same sky”

InvisibleToadsays: “i miss you everynight”

He says: “ same here”

He says: “ you know, I won’t wanna close my eyes and fall sleep because I miss you”

He says: “ even the sweetest dream can never compare to you because I miss you”

your eyes ask me how..

InvisibleToad says:" my bottel bottel, are you ok?"

He says:" yea."

InvisibleToad says:" you geram abit o."

He says:" sorry sometimes i dont know why."

InvisibleToad says:" it's ok, if you know everything then you are god d."

InvisibleToad says:" we are human, there's alot more "why" that we donno."

InvisibleToad says:" it's like i donno why your eyes can tell stories..=)"

He says:" lolx."

InvisibleToad says:" hehe."

He says:" like i donno how you make my heart melt?"

InvisibleToad:" is like i donno why your hand can be so warm and soft and comfy..=)"

thinking deep, should i? or should i not?

i went breakfast with my mom today, as usual, we talked bout our life and stuff, to keep each other updated.

suddenly i brought up the "love" topic, and wonder what she think bout this. and then, she reminds me of many things, that i couldn't see or forgottan....

i asked, if you really like that person, should "realistic" tells you what to do, or you just do it base on what you think?

she said, love comes without any boundaries, it's reality that allows you to make a choice. and now, the reality tells her, that time is still too young for love to come, it's my future that matters the most.

2 years later, i am going to UK, might not be coming back. should i? or should i not let go? is it fair? or is it not? how to not hurt anyone?

do they have another choice?

yesterday night was my fren's bday celebration. after the dinner, a bunch of us has decided to go chow kit to have a look with "a gua pelacur".

there, i saw plenty of them (according to my fren, that night consider very very very little) standing on the street, a very creepy, dark and dirty street, shaking their body trying to grab attention.

we were laughing, i guess ppl enjoy seeing ppl who are different from normal, but deep down in my heart, i felt simpathy.

maybe, just maybe simpathy is the last thing they want from the society? what they wanted, i guess, is hope. hope to reborn? hope to start a new life?

they were laughing, they were dancing, they look happy...but are they?

or should say, do they have another choice?

soft hand

he has soft hand...i felt it that night=)

but...

with plasters...lol

thank you

Tonight is a sleepless night, while listening to the beautiful voice of josh groban, i am here writing a blog=) (obviously)

being honest and telling the truth can actually make someone so relief. i am always an honest person, but was shivered for a sec because i donno how to tell him face to face. finally, i had a long talk with him in msn, and i feel great bout it=) it's a mature way to be honest to each other when you are planning to move on to the next step.

i guess i was hiding myself too much previouly, makes me unhappy and sad. but luckily i manage to talk to my frens and get over it. i am back to happy mode, and try to always be=)

laughing is one of the best thing to do, it gaves hope=) and it shine me in a way. without laughing, i guess i am not being myself.... it's been a long time since i ever laugh like this before, waht a wonderful feeling..=)

i want to laugh, always=)


"love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction"

thank you, for listening. for caring. for understanding. for being honest.

and you really have beautiful eyes, your eyes tell stories..=)

tonight's a great night

Tonight's a great night.

I went out with a fren of mine, or i would say a date??okay....a fren date.. haha...well, whatever it is, the most important thing is that we both having great time talking and chilling out(he told me so).

Flashing back bout what we had chatted, reminds me of the sweet memories when i am living with my grandparents. i miss my grandpa alot alot alot alot alot.......sigh, i miss him, tho he had passed away 6 years ago, not living with us in this house anymore, but i can feel him=) he always like to turn into butterfly, and stay in my pc room for hours!!! i know it's him=)

Anyway, yeah...lol, gosh...i have no idea why am i blogging......


By the way, he is....erm...kinda cute....(damn, he sure damn perasan when he read this)

找自己

把留了很多年的长发剪短，找到了已经忘记的自己。


离开后，才发现自己受了委屈。
离开后，才发现自己错过了很多。
离开后，才发现世界变大了，天空也长高了。


爱得很深，又如何？
付出很多，又怎样？

到头来，也是要放弃的。


放弃了一年的感情。
放弃了爱他的心情。
放弃了有过的回忆。

得到了想要的自由。


这样，其实对大家都好。

真的，这样就好。







希望希望，在我看不到的时候，他会好好的过日子。
希望希望，当我不在身边的时候，他会坚强努力。


希望希望，他会开开心心。

希望希望，他会爱自己。

就像我爱他一样，就像他爱我一样。







最后一次，在这里叫你一声

“宝贝，要好好爱自己！！”