"When ppl come and talk bout life, especially during teenage, you'll eventually found out that most of them didn't really know what is life all about. Well, not all, but MOSTLY."
I was with a friend of mine, a new friend. We were sitting in a restaurant and talking about life and all. A lot of ppl around me, mostly, by seeing the way i dress or behave or approach or what-so-ever, will tend to assume that i might come from a wealthy family, living a wonderful life full of pamper and loving care by parents, could just get whatever i want, just like the word "spoilt brat" who didn't even know what's the value of life. Too bad to those who THINK that way. I'm a very straight forward person with many faces, facing A kind of ppl i gave them the A face, while B ppl will receive a B from me and this continue C,D...and so on. Last time i used to find myself dishonest...but when time passed us by, you'll realise this is just a way of living. I've been through alot and have seen alot in my 20 years of life..of course there's still be a long way to go...throughout the years, my buddies are the one who see my changes from a ugly duckling to a swan. Today, what you see in me is a total different me in the past 17 years.
I was born in an extremely wealthy family. The family do big business. Just like what the story tells, rich parents have everything for the kid but love and time. Fortunately, my mom do take well care of me. I wasn't living a happy live in that family, in fact, my mom and i didn't live a happy live in that family. I was being abuse by my father's sister, reason why, jealousy. My grandparents love me more than her son, and in order to get her part of the big fortune protected, she hates me and try to do everything just to chase me away from that house. So, she bit me. When everyone out for job, she bit me. My mom wasn't really liked by the family..cause she is not that well-educated on the other hand the family is rich and famous...they tend to feel shameful with my mom existence in that family..so..my mom was been used as a maid in that house...cook, wash clothes whatsoever..why didn't she just leave the family??Well she stayed just because of me, she needed to stay to protect me from the evil aunt, and if she bring me along to run a way, financial is a big problem for her to raise me up, so she chose to stay. Then, something really bad happened till she couldn't take it anymore but to leave the hell. One night, i remembered, i was three that time, but do have a very clear memory of that period because it is seriously UNFORGETTABLE. That night, the person who i used to call "father" woke us up from sleep, i saw him hugging another woman with his arm, he chased us out of the room and left us outside..he and the woman went in, well god knows what they are going to do in there..since then, i saw tears dripping from my mom's eyes..not only that, the face, the disappointment, heart-broken and sorrows were written clearly in her very eyes. I was the only one there at that time, who was very young, be able to give her a hug...i remembered i told her in Cantonese,"shhh mommy don't cry cause you still have me". She cried for a very long time in my arms, silently. Then she had decided to bring me along with her and leave the damn place. We walk out of the house with our own belongings, and just that, without a glance back. After that, my current dad, who liked my mom for many years, take the part of being a father and a husband and come into my life. Well, i felt happy for my mom and i dare to say we were extremely lucky to have him...he is just such a wonderful person...i love him soooooooooooo much..there we are, happily ever after...
well, that's the family part which now i have no doubt to use the word " perfect"..
I thought life might just go on smooth and steady till i grow old...but the word "forever" doesn't seems to work on me...i was 7 and it;s time to go to school..well the first few months of school day were fun and nice and sweet..but things don't really work out that way anymore after that..i donno why and what have i done wrong, my friends just keep themselves away from me, not only that, even teacher disliked me. She insulted me in the class, making fun of me with the classmates, telling lies to my mom that i wasn't paying attention to her class but actually i DID..*I'm top 3 in the class*..Friends started to call me by nickname like pig, wild bore, JE(virus)...as you can understand that I'm FAT by the nickname they used to call me. I have no friends AT ALL. Hopeless, loneliness, donno wat to do...joyful run away from me..and my mom knows that in the end, so she tried to transfer me to a new environment hoping i can go on a new life with new friends..well i was happy, i seriously was. The first day of the school, that time i was already standard 4, things just don't go the way you want. I remembered the very first sentence that my former class teacher says," hey ppl from row 3 and row 4 please move abit of your seat cause she(me) needs more space, that doesn't fit her".....well i know i'm FAT, but as a teacher as a grown up adult will you say words like these to a small kid? it's a very big "crime" and this actually mentally affected me. I was very depressed at that time, depression makes someone ugly and here i am back into the same friendless life in the new place..i never laugh, i always angry, I'm introvert, i'm depressed, i'm a piece of shit. After primary school, i realised that i couldn't continue that way i have to do something. I decided to let go of the past and seriously look forward. Well i managed to do so, things are slowly getting better, i have friends!!!i am sooo soo soo happy and do you know that;s the first time i have ever tasted the feeling of having a friend is just the greatest thing that happened to me ever..=) here i go, a better secondary school life still with a fat body..until...i liked a guy, love him soooo much till i willing to sacrifice everything just for him. i liked him since form 2 till form 5. But i have no self-confident at all, because i don't have a great look. every single day when I'm home, I'll look at the mirror and ask why do i look like this, why why why....i was very sad when things goes seriously bad...(this part have to cut out)....the incidence is like a big bomb to me, i couldn't take it at that time. This bomb motivates me to go on a serious diet..i work hard during the diet, and throughout the process, changes that happened to me, i learned something from it..i gained something which is not hidden somewhere soooo deep in my heart...it's a lesson. The lesson of life. It's really hard to describe wat i gained through word, because it is something abstract, you need to experience the whole thing and feel it with your very heart..
"to err is human, and to forgive is Divine"
i came across with this phrase one day and realised how stupid i was, because of hatred, i put myself into bad situation, affected my family and ppl who always supporting me..the biggest success now in my live is been able to forgive who ever that was fault. Forgiveness make your heart spacious.
Telling the story of mine here is not to beg for sympathy. Just wanting to share my experience of life what I'd been through, the changes in me and problem solving..it's fine to be wrong as long as you change. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO A WILLING HEART. Here i am now, happy all the way=) sometimes, to let go on the bad memories is a great achievement. you can see things wider and clearer. we learned through experience and once we are contented, we are success.
"The value of life is not how many friends you have or what car you drive, it's the content that matters the most."
*special thank for faye(u know why), my father(current one) and my mom...i love you all!!!
